yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
