You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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