Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
