She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Randomize
