On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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