Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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