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So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Randomize
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