today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Hello my rib-scented angel!
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.