I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm gonna cum garlic butter