he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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