this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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