What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I have surprise drugs for everyone
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
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