people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
