Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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