I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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