He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
