I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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