i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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