So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
