no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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