so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
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Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
i out mim tonsoeep
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