I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
