i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
