Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
