I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
We just shotgunned beers for America
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
