Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
