so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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