do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
There r osticjed everywhere
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Every concussion has its silver lining
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
