well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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