Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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