god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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