i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Small penises have feelings too.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize