i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize