Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
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