omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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