Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
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