smell my finger.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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