She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
