do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
