just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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