maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
home. puking in laundry basket.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
