She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
