I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
