NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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