his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
