Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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