and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
