the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
