I just saw a hot homeless man
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
