i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
