Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
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JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
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My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize