so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Ketchup is God's man juice
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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