he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
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He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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