Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
So. Much. Porn.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
