We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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