i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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