Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
