If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
