this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
