I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
