you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
