You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
