Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
are you so shy because you have an std?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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