the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
This is my gift to your gina
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
