You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
