sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
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