I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
