she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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