they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
